Things Ariel Taught Me

Things Ariel Taught Me

THINGS ARIEL TAUGHT ME

by Vanessa King

Ariel. In 1989, she was who every young girl wanted to be. This Little Mermaid proved that if you work hard and play your cards right, you can have your cake and eat it too… on a boat, with your Prince and fireworks. Complete with a little emotional growth learned along her road to happiness, she is living-cartoon proof that you can achieve everything you want out of life, circumstances be damned.

Let’s face it: even now, I want to be her – drop-dead gorgeous, amazing hair, can sing like you wouldn’t believe, owner of the perkiest boobs EVER, former undersea Princess, rule breaker, trouble maker, problem solver, Prince-marrier and just naive enough to be cute. Even though for most of the movie she didn’t speak, if you really listen, this redhead speaks volumes.

All these years later, I’ve realized Ariel schooled me on some very important tips on growing up:

- Never show up late to a party your parents are throwing. Hell will break loose and you’ll be blamed.

- You don’t have to be satisfied with the status quo: it’s okay to push the envelope, just remember to watch out for sharks.

- One cavern can hold a lot of wonders and being a little bit of a hoarder is okay as long as nobody knows about it. You’re totally screwed if your Dad finds out, though.

- Everyone needs a Dinglehopper. Snarfblats will get you in trouble. So will boys.

- Jamaicans are the voice of reason. Listen to them.

- Love at first sight is never reliable, especially when one of you may have a concussion.

- Always read the fine print on any contract you sign. Pay extra attention to troublesome clauses that contain specific dates, mentions of “sundown” and/or “kisses of true love”.

- If you like a guy, it’s okay to make the first move. If you don’t, there’s a chance he’ll marry someone else.

- Persistence is key. Ambition will get you everywhere.

- Your friends really do have your back.

…and perhaps the most important think Ariel taught me? Every woman needs her own voice.

Ariel is hitting theaters in 3D September 2013 and I will be first in line. Until then, if anybody needs me, you’ll find me in my apartment surrounded by my gadgets and gizmos a plenty, my whoozits and whatsits galore, my thingamabobs (I’ve got 20)… but who cares? No big deal. I want more.

Image via FanPop

Vanessa King grew up wanting to be a backup singer, and/or a pediatrician. Unfortunately she disappointed her family and went into film, but she is happy to diagnose you via WebMD and/or meet you at Boho Karaoke for a 3 hour set. She DVRs Jeopardy and knows the lyrics to ever every tv theme song from the 1980s. You can follow her sarcasm on Twitter @manhattancanuck.
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